A Letter from Uncle Crumbles Himself:
“Ah, the humble apple pie—a dish so deceptively simple that entire dynasties have fallen arguing about the elemental ratio of apples to cinnamon. Today, I unveil my crowning interpretation: a golden apple masterpiece complete with my Tip-Top Oat Crumble Topping, forged from the essence of Uncle Crumbles Rolled Oats.
Do not underestimate this crumble, dear reader. It is the crisped crown jewel atop a molten throne of apple and spice, astride the line between chaos and dessert.” – U.C.
Ingredients
For the Crust (or, if you're sensible, go with store-bought):
- 1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
- A pinch of salt and a whisper of sugar
- 1/2 cup cold butter, cubed
- 3–4 tbsp ice water, added with cautious optimism
For the Apple Filling:
- 6 apples (a raucous mix of tart Granny Smith and smug Honeycrisp)
- 1/3 cup granulated sugar
- 2 tbsp brown sugar
- 1 tsp cinnamon
- 1/4 tsp nutmeg
- 1 tbsp lemon juice
- 2 tbsp flour, for structural integrity
For the Tip-Top Oat Crumble Topping:
- 3/4 cup Uncle Crumbles Rolled Oats (only the very best gluten-free oats, obviously)
- 1/2 cup all-purpose flour
- 1/2 cup brown sugar
- 1/2 tsp cinnamon
- 1/4 tsp salt
- 1/2 cup cold butter, cubed like ambition before breakfast
Directions
Step 1: The Crust (Courage, young baker.)
Mix your dry ingredients, then cut in the butter until the whole mess looks like dusty treasure. Add ice water one spoonful at a time—you’re courting the dough, not drowning it. Shape, wrap, chill, and reflect on your life choices for 30 minutes.
Step 2: The Filling (A study in temptation.)
Toss your sliced apples with the sugars, spices, lemon juice, and flour. Let them mingle until they glisten like gossip at a bake sale. Preheat your oven to 375°F.
Step 3: The Oat Crumble (The true hero of this tale.)
In a bowl, combine the oats, flour, brown sugar, cinnamon, and salt. Now, introduce cold butter and crumble together with the unholy vigor of a blacksmith at dawn. You’re looking for a coarse, pebbly texture—like a small landslide of future glory.
Step 4: Assembly (Where legends are born.)
Roll out your crust and lay it into a 9-inch pie dish. Fill it generously with your apple mixture, then heap your oat crumble on top. Don’t be shy—this is the architectural marvel that will define your legacy.
Step 5: The Bake (And the revelation.)
Bake for about an hour, or until the crumble turns a noble golden brown and the filling bubbles like molten ambition. If the topping threatens to darken too soon, shield it gently with foil—like a knight protecting his pastry.
Step 6: The Waiting (Cruel but necessary.)
Let the pie rest for at least an hour. It needs time to gather its thoughts before the unveiling. Serve warm with vanilla ice cream or stand in the kitchen at midnight eating it straight from the dish. I shan’t judge.
There you have it—an apple pie elevated by the transcendence of Uncle Crumbles Rolled Oats. A dessert both rustic and revolutionary. Bake bravely, my friends.
